“You could never. You have anxiety. You are weak and overwhelmed. You have enough. This is crazy.” These thoughts certainly entered my mind as I considered adoption. And I would have stayed paralyzed in them except for God’s counter words that hushed all the negative banter and excuses.
He unmistakably said, “I have prepared you for this. Walk with me.”
Keep those words in mind and pause because I’m coming back to them. But right now, I’m going to venture off into a crazy story, one in which my choices will probably make you hesitate to let me ever watch your kids again and may be even pet sit your dog. But here goes. You know how people describe a situation and talk about time standing still and things moving in slow motion? I experienced that once when I caught my toaster on fire by toasting a tostada. I know, don’t laugh. I had safely done this many times and had no idea that the oil from that crispy round tortilla could combust and shoot flames from my toaster. Not that any of you would ever think about using a toaster to toast your tostada, but this is a friendly, cautious reminder not ever to entertain the idea even if the toaster slots are the perfect size, even if there is no warning sticker on the appliance, and even if you think you found the next best hack for simplifying your life. Not many people can say that they are the voice of experience in toaster tostada catastrophes, but it was here as I looked at my obvious lapse in culinary judgment that, for the first time, I experienced time standing still. In fact, I stood there and stared in this uncanny time warp and calmly decided how to handle the toaster sitting on my counter whose flames were now reaching the cabinets. I remembered an email my safety conscious dad had sent me and planned out the steps in my head. I’m not bragging because I do realize this fire wouldn’t have been on my kitchen counter had I not tried to toast a tostada, but I was so composed and time was so slow. I moved the toaster from underneath the cabinets, unplugged it, placed it in my sink, and covered it with a wet dish cloth to extinguish the flames. I know it sounds crazy, but instead of panicking, I was calm and composed as flames were a foot high and reaching my kitchen cabinets.
Do you remember that thought from before? “I have prepared you for this. Walk with me.” Now, I highly doubt that God’s reference to preparation had anything to do with the time I nearly burnt our kitchen down. But that experience of time slowing down and acting calmly when things are out of control, that’s what God promises us as we follow Him. We can rely on His presence and peace. He walks with us but that doesn’t mean it’s easy. We still would rather know the plan than to trust He has it all worked out.
Brandon and I both agreed God was calling our family to adopt, but we had so many questions. What adoption agency? International or domestic? Age and gender of child? Question marks were at every turn.
In my next post, I’ll tell you how God directed our steps.
stillsmallfaith.com 