The first week after encuentro is called bonding week. It’s a time to make connections as you experience so many firsts with your new child. The first night. The first bath. The first bedtime. The first breakfast. The first trip to the park.

All along the journey of adoption, committees, case workers, and agencies spend much of their time trying to prepare families and children for all these firsts. During the months leading up to Mila’s adoption, we were told so much information about her. We discussed schedules, likes, dislikes, routines, fears, and history. And here is some of what they told us.

— What they told us about BATHS —

During pre-encuentro, La Casa shared that Mila is used to having two baths a day. Two. That’s 14 baths a week. If she were my first child, I would have thought, “Sure, two baths a day. No problem.” But as it was, she would be my fourth child, and I had already experienced the realities of parenthood, the one that knows two baths a day with four children will never work.

So, I just nodded and smiled on the video call with the caregivers and professionals, but in the back of my mind, I was calculating how quickly we could compromise on the amount of bathing. I thought about how bathing used to be a nightly non-negotiable in our house, but through the years it had morphed into something we would get around to only a few times a week. I thought of all the joking from family and friends about how dirty my boys get and about how they need more baths. But young boys on a farm are almost impossible to keep clean. For just as we cycle through the water, soap, and clean clothes, no sooner do I look out the window to see them sitting in a dirt hole with a running water hose. Time after time, my freshly bathed boys will come straight out of the bathtub only to find one way or another to be covered in dirt, grime, or animal… well, you get the idea.

So, you can imagine how I felt when I was told Mila took two baths.

And so as it was, we were behind schedule from the start. Mila’s first bath took place on the second evening we had her. In the hotel bathroom in Bogotá, I ran the water and helped her undress. I made sure the water temperature was comfortable, and I lifted her up to place her in the bathtub. Instantaneously she threw her arms, legs, fingers, and toes in all different directions. This reaction took me by surprise. She was terrified. I pulled her gripped fingers from the shower doors and pried her toes off the side and managed to stand her up in the tub.

I was shocked. From her response, it appeared that this child had NOT had two “baths” a day. In fact, as I looked at her standing there with wide, unsure eyes, I wondered if she had ever even been inside a bathtub before. I talked reassuringly to her and tried to get her to bend at the knee to sit down. Nope. She was too scared to sit in the water.

So all during that first bath, Mila stood. I just used a soapy rag, some shampoo, and a cup to pour water to rinse. It was over quickly, and she seemed relieved as I wrapped her in a towel and took her from the bathroom.

While getting her ready for bed, relief washed over me as my thoughts led me to realize that “baths” in Baranquilla must mean sponge baths or wipe downs. All the mom guilt about how orphans in Baranquilla are bathed more often than my own boys faded away. And I mean, not bragging here, but we DO use baby wipes ALL the time. I’m always carrying a pack of wipes saying to the boys, “Wipe that cheese sauce off your face.” or “Smell your underarms and wipe them if they stink.” or “Here, wipe your feet. The cats left a dead mouse on the doormat again.” I know. Gross. But who knew that each time we did that, it could count as a bath. I reveled in this newfound enlightenment and toyed with the idea that I may actually be an overachiever when it comes to bathing my children.

Side note: Mila LOVES real baths in the bathtub now.

— What they told us about HYDRATION —

Hydration. In the fridge, on the kitchen counters, and stashed along the wall in the hotel room were jugs and bottles of water, gatorade, pedialyte, milk, formula, and various kinds of juice.

Bottles, sippies, straw cups, wow cups, open cups, and spoon feeding, we’d tried so many different methods. Mila coughed, choked, and spit out everything.

During a pre-adoption screening, we had specifically asked a medical professional if Mila had any eating or drinking problems or swallowing issues. They told us no.

Yet on day two and three of caring for Mila, we were struggling with dehydration. She had gone from 3am until the following afternoon with no wet diapers. But she wasn’t dehydrated for lack of trying.

We kept thinking if we just could get it right. La Casa had told us in her foster home she would drink four bottles a day of a children’s formula drink. “Klim número tres” were their exact words when they told us what kind.

We bought Klim número tres and mixed it per the directions on the box. We put it in a bottle for her and waited. She did nothing. We put it to her mouth, and she looked at us like we were crazy. Then we remembered she drank it warm. So we warmed it and coaxed her to drink it. Same look. She didn’t want it.

Four bottles a day they had told us, and they had stressed the importance of continuing to give her these bottles. So, we tried mixing the formula with juice. No. We tried it in a bottle, in a sippy, through a straw. No.

We began to feel like we were living a Dr. Seuss book. She does not like it mixed with water, a little hotter, my little daughter. Not in a bottle, not with a wattle. Not through a straw, no nothing at all. You get the idea.

Finally, after several days of struggling, I sat with an open cup of Klim número tres still coaxing her to drink. She took some in her mouth and literally gagged. Gagged. It was then I realized that she most likely had not been drinking four bottles of this stuff a day. We were done. I poured the rest down the drain.

Side note: Later we found some small cartons of a Klim product that had different flavors. She would drink some of these and perhaps that is what she drank in her foster home. With a little creativity like giving her soups everyday, drinkable yogurts, and smoothies, Mila is now well-hydrated and thriving!

What they told us about other things

There were other things they had told us. Many more things. Some proved to be true and some not. Like, “She has fun eating.” Yes, yes she does. “She loves soup.” Yep. “This jean jacket is her favorite.” Eh, Maybe not. The jacket is twice her size and swallows her.

Some things seemed right while others seemed wrong. Probably a lot of the confusion was due to the combining of our different cultures and languages. We were grateful for all the paper reports and meetings. We were grateful for everyone who shared information and helped in making Mila’s transition to our family go smoothly. But one thing we have discovered is that there is much they didn’t tell us. So much more.

— What they didn’t tell us —

Just a few nights ago as I was getting Mila ready for bed, Allen was in the room with us. I had changed Mila’s clothes and brushed her hair with some conditioning spray. She was in a playful mood as she smiled and squealed with us. She was fully engaged in this play and her antics had Allen deep belly laughing with her. It was then that he turned to me and said, “Mom, they didn’t tell us how funny she was.”

I have thought about that comment over and over. We had relied on what they had told us about Mila, but we were realizing that it didn’t come close to who she really is. Piles of reports and people telling us about her wasn’t enough. It couldn’t be enough. Because paper is just paper, and talk is just talk. We had to meet her ourselves. We had to spend time with her.

That reminds me so much of our relationship to Christ. So many times we hear about Jesus but never meet Him ourselves. Maybe we are too busy and think we don’t have time. Maybe our lives are comfortable, and we fear Jesus might shake things up. Maybe we don’t want to meet Jesus because we’ve heard certain things about Him. But to hear about Him is not the same as knowing Him. Everything we heard about Mila wasn’t true and probably everything you’ve heard about Jesus isn’t true either. Just to hear about Jesus and never meet Him is a great tragedy. Only hearing about Him will not satisfy. Only hearing about Him will not fill the deep void that gnaws at us, the one that tells us there is more to life than what we see on the surface.

And that’s how it was with Mila. No amount of paperwork or talk could compare to us knowing her. And here are a few things we have learned in our short time with her.

1 She does the best cheese face for the camera. The best.

2 We learned, like Allen pointed out, that she is funny. Really funny. She waves and smiles at strangers in a store. She keeps waving until she gets their attention. And once they wave back or speak to her, she stops smiling and shakes her head “no” at them. This is hysterical to watch.

3 She babbles in another language. I didn’t know it before we got her, but there is English babbling and then there is Spanish babbling. Spanish babbling is so much faster and much more impressive.

4 She loves shoes. No, really. She’s crazy about them. Big zapatos, little zapatos, old shoes, new shoes, cowboy boots, work boots, sandals, flats, heels, flip flops, tennis shoes, she loves them all. And she will gladly wear them all. Any shoes left out are fair game to her. She thunks around with the boys’ shoes, my shoes, and even Brandon’s size 14 men’s shoes on her little feet. It’s actually quite impressive how she manages to walk in them. She loves zapatos. And if you buy her shoes, you are her best friend forever.

We are learning more about Mila every day, and she is so much more wonderful than any description on paper. I hope you all will one day get to know Mila, but even more than that, I hope you have the joy of knowing Jesus. When you meet Him, you will discover so many things people never told you. Once you invite Him in, spend time with Him, and get to know Him, you will find everything in your life changes. Your outlook. Your goals. Your attitudes. Your thoughts. And as you give your life over to Him, you’ll find He is so much more than words can describe.

And it’s so true. If Brandon and I had continued with our idea of how our life was supposed to go, we would have missed out on so much goodness God had planned for our family. For truly, it was Jesus who called and led us to this wonderfully cheesin’, shoe lovin’ little girl.

Philippians 3:8
Yet indeed I also count all things loss for the excellence of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them as rubbish, that I may gain Christ.