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Parenting with Grace

Parenthood is challenging no matter what philosophy we believe or methods we follow. Raising naturally selfish and tantrum-throwing miniature humans to be caring and productive members of society is hard work and can sometimes seem overwhelming. And it’s usually these little people who bring out the worst in us and make us realize we still have naturally selfish, tantrum-throwing tendancies ourselves even as full grown adults! How then, are we ever going to teach our children to be good people if we can’t even be good ourselves?

The apostle Paul had similar thoughts when he said, “For the good that I would I do not: but the evil which I would not, that I do.” (Romans 7:19) Once we are really honest with ourselves, we realize that in our own strength we do nothing good. “The heart is deceitful above all things and desperately wicked. Who can know it?” Jeremiah 17:9.

It’s only our complete reliance on Christ’s work within us that enables us to guide our children in learning and developing good character and fruits of the Spirit. How to be loving when circumstances aren’t favorable. How to have joy when they don’t feel happy. How to have peace in the midst of chaos. Patience. Kindness. Goodness. Faithfulness. Gentleness. Self-control. All these qualities we are trying to instill in our children are actually not qualities we can instill at all. Sure, we can have an accountability chart that causes them to “be good” in exchange for a prize. But in their purest form, the fruits of the Spirit are qualities that only the Holy Spirit can work in us and in our children, and He can only do as much as we allow Him.

A full measure of grace is needed in parenting. God gives grace to us, and we show grace to our children. But probably the hardest one for us is to give grace to ourselves. God knows we aren’t perfect, and He loves us anyway. We have to accept that. There is no good outcome for us or our children when we expect perfection as we parent. In fact, it’s in our weakness that our children learn how to handle their own weaknesses.

“I’m sorry I yelled at you.” Sometimes I just have to stop in the middle of one of my adult tantrums, apologize, and admit to my children I’m not handling things well. We often stop to pray in the middle of particularly trying days, asking God to reach down and help us as we struggle to love each other. Yelling, saying unkind words, and reacting in frustration or anger are daily downfalls for me. But instead of throwing my hands up because I’ve failed to be the perfect parent, I need grace. And I need to realize that it is after a wrong has been said or done, that I have a prime opportunity to model for my children how to handle themselves when they lose their own tempers.

Apologizing to our children will not undermine our parenting or incite disrespect. Rather, it allows our children to see themselves in us and relate. They watch as we struggle to follow Christ. They see us fail to do what’s right. They see us look to Jesus for grace and forgiveness and notice how we keep the faith even though we aren’t perfect. It’s through this transparency that our children will learn the depths of God’s love and understand He is there to help us in the midst of failures.

As I deal with my children telling them how to behave, my heavenly father presses truths into my own heart as He deals with me, “Child, you need to know and trust who I am and what I’m doing. Follow me.” His goal is that all his children become new creations who aren’t burdened by the weight of sin and cares that come from living for this world. And just as God is making us into new creations with a heavenly purpose, we need to pray fervently for our children to be open to His work within them as well.

Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new. 2 Corinthians 5:17

Hard Questions

As a mom of three young boys, I answer probably 400+ questions a day if I include those ridiculous but completely understandable questions like, “Why don’t we eat dogs?” and “Why can’t I marry my cousin Rosie?”

But then there are more serious questions. Whether it’s a stalling tactic or just a quiet time to talk, these usually come out right before bed as I’m almost out the door, “Mom, what happens to our bodies when we die?” or “Mom, is God really real?”

Most evenings I’m completely spent and when those hard questions come out at night, it would be easy to say, “Honey, you don’t need to worry about death.” or “Of course God is real.” It’s hard to explain the realities of life and death and deep spiritual truths to young children, but it is in the early years that their developing minds are exploring and learning exponentially everyday, and it’s at this stage that these foundational conversations are so important.

Our children need us to talk with them. They need us to be real with them and not protect them from all things complicated or sorrowful. My boys have had three great-grandparents die within the past two years. They know about my miscarriage and that the baby stopped growing. They watched a pet die. They hear sad news stories. They have questions, and my immediate reaction is to shield them and not have these discussions. But they need us. And it’s here where our faith comes into action. It’s here where we can tell them about death but confidently explain the hope we have through Christ. We don’t have to have perfect responses and reactions, but rather we need to be perfectly reliant on Jesus to guide us as we lead our children in difficult conversations and circumstances. They’ve seen me cry over my grandfather when he was dying. “Mom, why are you sad if Papaw is going to be with God?” I know why Jesus said we are supposed to have childlike faith. Don’t underestimate what they can comprehend just because they are young. It’s important that they watch us handle our own emotions and be honest with them. Shielding them from earthly sorrow when they are young will not keep the bad out but only stifle them from developing healthy, mature, and faith-filled reactions to hard situations.

Talk to your children. Share your faith with them and be honest.

While it’s possible that I’m being naive and those questions really are just a bedtime stalling tactic, I rather have come to believe that they are pressing questions that his little heart ponders during the day and then spill over at night as he settles down to rest. We will never regret slowing down and teaching our children how to navigate difficult concepts and arrive with confident hope in Jesus.

Cast not away therefore your confidence, which hath great recompence of reward. For ye have need of patience, that, after ye have done the will of God, ye might receive the promise. Hebrews 10:35‭-‬36

And these words, which I command thee this day, shall be in thine heart: And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up. Deuteronomy 6: 6-7

Praying in Truth

Years ago Disney did a short film called “Lambert the Sheepish Lion.” It was a story that began when a stork mistakenly delivered a lion cub to a flock of sheep. The lion knew he looked different, and the other sheep made fun of him because he couldn’t do the same things they did. Lambert grew up feeling like a failure because he didn’t know his identity. One evening a wolf came to attack the flock, and Lambert was scared and hid. It was only when he saw the wolf attacking his own mother (sheep) that “Something snapped inside. He was a raging lion!” He then roared and protected his mother and all the other sheep. We are just like Lambert with so much strength once we realize our identity. Just as it’s ridiculous to think of a full grown lion hiding from a wolf, likewise it is ridiculous when we allow sins and Satan to torment us, children and heirs of Almighty God.

When we realize through Christ we are Redeemed, Forgiven, and a Child of God, we become secure in our relationship with Christ and others. When we realize we are Loved, Chosen, and Called, we become empowered to share our testimony and further the gospel. Satan wants to keep us spinning in the same ruts and worn down with guilt, anger, pride, greed, lust, and a multitude of sins to shame us into thinking we could never be effective for God. But when we know the truth, it sets us free, and the Bible is our guidebook of truth. It’s how we know God and know who we are in Him. We must read it. Memorize it. Meditate on it. Use it in prayer. For when we know and proclaim who God is and who we are in Christ, we are no longer captive to the lies and guilt that Satan uses to hinder us.

I believe nothing on earth is more powerful than to pray in truth using scripture. Instead of asking God to be with us, we need to proclaim truth by saying, “Thank you, Lord, that you are with me always” (Matt. 28:20). I encourage you to incorporate God’s own words into your prayers. Pray over your children and grandchildren. Pray with them aloud using God’s Word. Hide these promises in their hearts for it is these truths and their souls that will last for eternity.

Here are just a few promises to get you started:

⚜️ Lord, help us to be strong and courageous and know that you are with us wherever we go. (Joshua 1:9).

⚜️ Thank you, Father, that your grace is sufficient and your strength is made perfect in weakness. Help us to remember that you are our strength when we are weak. (2 Corinthians 12:9)

⚜️ Thank you, Jesus, that your compassions fail not and your mercies are new every morning. (Lamentations 3:22-23).

⚜️ God, you have not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and a sound mind. And you will keep us in perfect peace because our minds are stayed on you. (2 Tim 1:7 & Isaiah 26:3)

⚜️ Today has been a rough day, but we thank you that you are working for the good of those who love you. We love you, Jesus and trust you are working for our good even when we can’t see it. (Romans 8:28)

And there are so many others! Feel free to share your favorite truths of who you are in Christ and which verses you use as prayers!

Rough Seasons

During rough seasons of life, as people get older, sickness sets in, energy runs out, people may think, “I’m done. My time has come and gone. It’s over.” I don’t know if my grandfather ever thought anything similar as his young, healthy body grew old and sick. He had given himself to service and ministry. He had followed God with fire and energy all across the United States. He had prayed and seen God’s power. But now he was an old preacher, a retired missionary.

Two years before Papaw died, he had a close call. He was so ill in the hospital that he later told us angels had come to minister to him. I had driven eight hours to tell him a final goodbye. But this was not farewell for when I arrived, Papaw had elastic exercise bands. That old preacher was exercising in his hospital bed and talking of living. He wasn’t done. God wasn’t done. At the time I had no idea why God had spared his life. I had no idea that it was partly for me that God had kept him on earth a while longer.

From the outside, some might think it would have been better if Papaw had died those two years earlier. Some might argue that his life had been lived and there was nothing left for him but heartache and loneliness since Memaw had dementia and he wasn’t able to care for her. And he did have much sorrow.

So why was he still here? I’m sure others like my mom and uncles have their own versions. My mom had many meaningful conversations with him during those last two years. May be that was why.

But my own version is because God needed a couple more years to work and move. I had experienced some heartaches of my own during those two years and needed reassurance. I sat by Papaw’s side the last few days of his life. Many already know the agony of watching a loved one die. There is a strong feeling of helplessness and without Jesus there would be hopelessness as well. But God is faithful, and death has no victory. I felt God’s presence and saw His power as Papaw passed from death to life. I saw miracles. God says we shouldn’t ask for signs, but in his mercy, he showed up for me and never once allowed death to seem victorious. God knew I was weak, and He showed up strong.

Papaw was a preacher. And I would say the greatest sermon he ever preached was during the last hours of his life. He said, “I need no more proof. I’m going to live!” Papaw was meant to live those two more years. He had a purpose and mission on earth until the very end. I haven’t been the same since I saw God’s power through him. I felt like the women leaving Jesus’s empty tomb. “He is Risen!” Papaw and I weren’t able to talk about the miracles here on earth, but one day he and I will talk about them in heaven. All my life I had seen my Papaw sitting on old wooden church pews nodding his head and shouting affirmations. He never could keep quiet when the Spirit was moving. And I know that as the glory of God filled that room and we saw God’s power during those final days of his life, Papaw was inside his tired sick body shouting “Amen!”

“For in Him we live, and move, and have our being.” As long as we have breath in our lungs and life in our bodies, we have a purpose and a loving God who will see that it’s fulfilled. He is the author and finisher of our faith!

Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us. For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8:37-39

The Best Years

I know I’ll miss these times. The boys splashing in tide pools, stomping and yelling “sandstorm!” Soaring toy airplanes through the salty air making vrooming sounds and twirling. The energy. The excitement. It’s the best. But it’s also so challenging. When I’m walking in a busy area trying to hold three small hands, people smile and say, “You’ve got your hands full.” And I do. Most days I go to bed spent and exhausted. But whenever I think outside the chaos, I see that I’m at the height of God’s blessing, and I’m overwhelmed by how marvelous it is to be a mom to these three boys. I know one of these days I will sit peacefully on a beach with no kids to watch, and I will miss these times. I won’t remember the tantrums and fighting and how many handfuls of sand I cleaned from their pockets and out of their ears. I will sit on a quiet beach and be like the countless older women who watch me and say, “These are the best years. Enjoy these times.” It’s not the hardships they remember, but it’s the soaring planes, the running and twirling. And what they wouldn’t give for one more day like the days that I’m living now.

The Faith of a Mustard Seed

Testifying of God’s faithfulness

God’s goodness changed my life. I grew up in a Christian family and knew about Jesus from an early age. I accepted Christ when I was 7 years old, but from there, I had doubts and questions. I couldn’t overcome thoughts about whether we were just making all this “God-stuff” up to make us feel better when life seemed overwhelming. As a child, I prayed for faith. I knew I was lacking. I wanted to believe and know. If a mustard seed faith can move mountains, I surely didn’t have faith that big. Years past, and I went through the motions, not knowing, but following. God took hold of the tiny strand of faith I had and answered my prayer. But I had no idea the heartache I would go through to find it. It was a heart-wrenching and painful journey and one I would not have willingly chosen. But looking back, I see God’s mercy and faithfulness towards me. I see how He has kept his promise to work all things for good. He came down and met me in my doubts, and I will never go back. He showed me personal miracles and wonders that I cannot explain. The Holy Spirit worked in ways I never knew were possible. I am a concrete and evidence-based person. I’m someone who is hard to convince, but a mighty awesome God did the convincing. He reassured me just as he did for Doubting Thomas in the Bible. I am so humbled by God’s grace, and it’s out of gratitude for his goodness and mercy that I create this website.

God speaks through his word, and I’d like to share his truths with those who may not be so assured with where they are in their faith journey. The word of God does not return void, and it’s His truth and love that will bring us out of dark places and find rest from hopeless wandering. I pray anyone who spends time reading testimonies and materials found on this website will be encouraged and become more deeply rooted in their faith.

In spirit and truth, Amy