POST #6 From Miracles to Emmanuel – Special People
There are some adoptive parents who grew up knowing they wanted to adopt and had that desire from a young age. I think that is a beautiful testimony, but that isn’t my testimony. I honestly had seen too many movies and heard too many stories about adoptions that didn’t work out. I felt like adoptions could mess up a family because you never know what a child might bring into your home or what behaviors you might have to deal with. That seemed scary.
But God began challenging those ideas when He gave us biological children. If Brandon and I are honest, the twins rocked our world pretty hard when they joined our family. Life as we knew it before was gone. We had two needy, crying babies who changed everything. We both began to realize that the addition of babies, children, or any new family member does change our lives. Always. And if we are honest, it isn’t just adoption that threatens our comfortable world. We never know what we will get biologically. Through a biological pregnancy, we could have a baby with severe special needs or one who has a childhood disease that turns our world upside down. Biological children could grow up and make poor choices and end up with lifelong consequences. They could slip into addiction or have mental health issues and be unable to take care of themselves. The list of things that could happen is endless and unsettling to think about. But that’s how God stretched us. We began asking the question: If we chose to take the risk of having biological children, would adoption really be that much different? Certainly there may be different difficulties in adoption. There’s real trauma and tough behaviors. But God was challenging where we draw the line.
He began showing us that a life that idolizes comfort and safety is no way to live at all. It puts fear in every choice and decision we make because our fragile idol of comfort can so easily come crashing down. It stifles our ability to say yes. Jesus doesn’t call us to attempt to live a life of comfort. But often, especially as Americans, we fall into the trap of futility as we seek to bolster a life of safety and comfort of our own design. Instead of relying on the promise that it’s His presence that gives us comfort in any circumstance, we become tense and stressed. We can’t even consider saying yes to things God may be calling us to because we are too obsessed with what we are constructing.
That’s why I used to comment, “You’re such a special person,” when I encountered someone who fostered or adopted children. I separated them and they stood out as the exception. In my mind, by making it “special,” the need for orphans to have families didn’t apply to us. But what we’ve learned over the years is that it doesn’t take special people to adopt.
Often people put barriers in their minds on why they can’t say yes. But there was nothing special about our situation.
Capacity –
It’s not because our family has special capacity that we were able to adopt. If we are honest, we were overwhelmed with two kids, three kids, four kids, and now five kids. Because we started with twins, there never was a time during motherhood that people hadn’t commented that my hands were full. It’s true. Life with kids is overwhelming. But what God calls us to, He gives capacity for. I have seen it. It’s my testimony. No way could I handle all we have on our plate on my own. He sends helpers. He sends beautiful people into our lives to meet needs before we even recognize the need. He is Jireh, our provider. And He gives us capacity.
Finances –
Our adoptions also are not a result of a special financial status. While it’s true that Brandon is an attorney, we had so many other projects and ministry endeavors going on during this second adoption, that a substantial portion of Emmanuel’s adoption was paid through grants and donations. There are many programs and funds available. We were shocked at how much we were awarded. What I realized is that there are probably more funds available than people who are willing to adopt.
Health –
It’s not our age, fitness level, or mental state. Brandon now spends mornings telling me how he didn’t sleep well because his neck was hurting but if he tried to roll over his shoulder hurt. Also that his legs were too hot, and I would continue to make fun of him and tell you more if I could remember. My memory is horrible at this point in my life. If I’m interrupted in the middle of a story, I will completely forget not only what I was saying, but likely that I was even talking to you. I share all this to say that often we look at others and think they have it all together while we consider ourselves a hot mess. The reality is that we all are a mess, yet God still chooses to use us. We shouldn’t scrutinize or compare ourselves with others and then decide we aren’t qualified. We are uniquely made. The God who created us empowers us to be used in His plans and purposes. And now as we care for a two year old at our age, my prayer is that Brandon and I will have the strength of Moses and be just as strong at the end as we ever were. God may not answer this bold prayer, but so far, He has been faithful to give us strength for each day.
The bottom line in all this is that once we learn it isn’t about us being special, that’s when God can use us. As long as we are trying to do things for God through our own strength and skill, we will lack His presence and power.
While it doesn’t take special people to adopt, it does take surrendered people. It takes people who are willing to say yes because they know God is asking them to – not because they feel especially ready, capable, or confident.
Stepping into something we aren’t sure we can handle takes faith. We have to know who we are trusting, or we will lose heart at the first hurdle. But that is where knowing God makes all the difference. The more we understand who He is and how faithful He has been, the easier it becomes to say yes even when we don’t know how everything will work out.
And God is so very patient with us. He deals with us as His own children because we are His children. He asks, He waits, He disciplines, and He continually shows us mercy and grace. He doesn’t expect us to have everything figured out before we take the next step. He simply asks us to trust Him to keep saying yes.
That has been true throughout our story. God knew He could call us to Emmanuel because of what He had already done in our hearts through Mila’s adoption. And He had called us to Mila’s adoption because, before that, He had already shown us His faithfulness through infertility. Looking back, we can see that each yes prepared us for the next one.
Faith is a journey. And one of the most important parts of continuing that journey is remembering God’s faithfulness – remembering what He has already done and trusting Him with what He is asking us to do next. We don’t have to be special. We don’t have to feel ready. We simply have to be willing to surrender, trust, and say yes to the next step He puts in front of us.
In my next post, I’ll share a precious conversation we recently had about Mila’s heart surgery.
